DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Before anything, some clarifications about violence are
necessary. What really is meant by violence? Everyone has a different
definition of the word “violence”. Some
feel that a slap or a shove is not being violent. Others think that any angry
physical contact can be considered violence. To many Nigerians, the words
“domestic violence” is suggestive of an abusive husband who easily gets out of
control, is cruel and always hurts. You
probably have different definition of domestic violence than your neighbor.
However, let us examine the popular definition of violence which is, “exerting
physical force so as to injure or abuse”. This definition, as good as it, is
incomplete for our purpose. This is because, when we talk of domestic violence,
we are speaking of five different types of violence at the same time. These are
physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, property violence and
verbal violence.
Let us define each of these types of violence in our
context.
1. Physical
Violence
Physical violence is what comes to most
people’s minds when we mention the words “domestic violence”. This type of
violence includes choking, grabbing, hitting, hitting with weapons or objects,
kicking, physical force to make a person do something or go somewhere against
that person’s will, punching,
scratching, slapping and so on.
2. Sexual Violence
When someone forces another person to have
sexual intercourse by means of physical force, the threat of force, or by use
of a weapon, it is considered rape. And rape is one form of sexual violence. Sexual
violence is not something that happens only between strangers. In fact, a good
number of rapes occur between individuals who know each other. Other forms of
sexual violence include forced sexual activity such as oral sex, sodomy, and so
on; forced sex with animals, forcing a person to have sexual intercourse or sexual
activity with another person, or forced sexual activity with objects. In
Nigeria, it is now an offence against the law for a man to force his wife to
have sex with him. Spousal rape, as it is known in legal angle, is on the
increase in Nigeria.
3. Property Violence
When violent threats and actions are
directed at a partner through destruction of property or pets, it is known as
property violence. If a woman watches her husband breakup furniture or dishes,
or punches a hole in the door, she is likely to feel frightened and insecure;
and willing to agree with him to get him to stop. Property violence is a
systematic attempt to force the other person to do our bidding by destroying or
damaging property. The property can belong to both parties; it could be that of
the victim or a third party. The aim is to create fear and panic and to force
the victim to succumb; to deny the partner use of the property, to reduce his
or her partner’s self-esteem and to make him or her powerless. The transfer of
aggression from the victim to property is what I called, “damage syndrome”. Cases of men setting their spouse’s wrappers on
fire are common place; so also are cases of women venting their anger on
properties by destroying or damaging same or even setting family buildings and
household properties on fire. This is one aspect of domestic violence that is on
the increase in Nigeria; yet, property violence cases have not been tested
successfully in the courts in Nigeria.
4. Psychological Violence
Psychological violence can be expressed in various
ways, including controlling another person’s thinking and behavior. A man may
accomplish this by making either direct or veiled threats of physical violence.
He may combine these threats with occasional violent acts as a means of keeping
his partner constantly intimidated and subjected. When she is paralyzed with
fear, he can feel in control. The aim of psychological violence is to damage
the victim’s sense of self-worth, to make the victim feel powerless and empty.
The victim has to give up his or her own values and viewpoints in order to keep
the other partner from being out of control. The partner may also try to
breakdown the other person’s self-esteem by degrading him or her through name
calling, humiliation, and demanding that he or she be put first always. Because
of extreme jealousy or insecurity, the partner may dictate the other’s every
move and accuse him or her of things he or she could not possibly have done.
This may get to the point of trying to isolate the partner at home, with
minimal or even no outside social contacts. This results in hostage syndrome in
which the captive becomes emotionally dependent on the captor. Because the
captor controls the captive, he or she feels he/she cannot survive without
him/her. In the short run, this may be what he/she wants. But, in the long run,
it will eventually destroy the relationship.
5. Verbal Violence
Verbal violence is expressed
through nagging, slander, and other forms of verbal insults. Verbal violence is
a very different type of violence. Except in rare cases, for instance, (when
the offender lies about the victim publicly before witnesses and can be charged
with slander), there is no agency that the victim can call for help. The pain
of verbal abuse goes deep into the self and festers there, but because nothing
shows on the surface, it will not win the victim even sympathy, much less
actual assistance. Worst still, verbal violence all too often goes
unrecognized, except at a level that the victim cannot even understand himself
or herself. The victim knows that he/she is suffering, and vaguely knows where
the pain is coming from; but because the aggressor is so well hidden,
the victim is likely to blame himself or
herself instead of the aggressor, thereby adding to his/her own misery.
Studies have revealed that for
every person in Nigeria who is suffering physical abuse, there are hundreds
suffering the effects of verbal violence. For every person who just got a fist
in the face, there are hundreds who just took a verbal blow to the gut.
Interestingly, there are major differences between these two kinds of injury.
The physical attack is at least obvious and unmistakable. When someone slugs
you physically, you can call the police. The physical attack hurts horribly and
leaves a mark. But it is usually over fast, and the mark is evidence in favour
of the victim and against the offender. Verbal violence has destroyed more
relationships and homes than all other types of violence put together.
These five types of violence have several things in common.
1.
Against The Law: They are all
against the law. Physical or sexually assaulting someone, verbally abusing
someone, threatening to assault or kill another person or destroying another
person’s property are all against the law.
2.
Causes Emotional Trauma: They each
can have very serious emotional or physical consequences for the victim,
unintended victims like children, relations and the offender as well.
3.
Instrument of Intimidation: They are
ways in which someone can dominate, control, manipulate and intimidate another
person.
4.
Primitive Way of Dealing with Anger: Any
type of violence is only one way of dealing with anger, conflict and
disagreement in a relationship.
From the foregoing is evident that domestic violence affects
men and women of all ages, races, religions and incomes. It is estimated that
approximately over three hundred thousand Nigerians households experience at
least one domestic violence episode each year. Victims of violence may be
spouse, children, or the elderly.
When violence occurs between adults in the family, men and
women are equally likely to be the victim. However, due to the differences in
strength, it is women who suffer the most serious injuries. Research has also
revealed that when women do act violently, it is usually in response to their
being abused for a period of time. Women are also more likely to violent in
self-defense, whereas men may attribute their violence to controlling their
spouse’s behavior.
Impacts of Domestic Violence
Homicide: Spouse abuse in any form is very dangerous. It is
estimated that between 25% and 30% of homicides are domestic in nature. When a
domestic homicide occurs between husband and wife, the chances are equal that
either partner can be the victim. Again, research has shown that that most
women murder their husbands in self-defense seven times more often than men
murder their wives in self-defense.
Battering: According to Daniel Jay Sonkin and Michael Durphy in
70% - 80% of the battering incidents, the batterer (and sometimes the battered
woman) is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs. When the batterer is
under the influence of alcohol or other drugs at the time of violence, he or
she is likely to commit more serious violence that may lead to injuries
requiring medical care or even death.
Child Abuse: In over one-third of families where spouse abuse
is a problem, child abuse also occurs. This abuse may be physical, sexual or
verbal and either parent may be the abuser. In families where there are
children, the children have either witnessed the violence between their parents
or are aware of its occurrence. It is estimated that over one million children
witness family violence annually in Nigeria. Many children try to stop the
violence between their parents, only to suffer injuries themselves. Similarly,
many children are injured when the violence between their parents spills over
on them. Many have also died due to arguments between their parents. On 27th
February, 2014 Ayelehin Kehinde killed a 2-year-old boy after having argument
with his mother. He is said to have caused the death of the boy after he
grabbed the sleeping child off his mother’s back and smashed him on the
concrete ground. The incident occurred in the Supare, Akoko area of Ondo State
and the child was said to have died on the way to hospital. “Cruel”, you said?
Nevertheless, whether a child is directly abused or not,
researches have revealed that children who grow up in homes where there is
domestic violence often develop serious emotional problems later in life. An
abused child sooner or later turns out to be a loose child, determined for the
worst in life. Many of these children grow up feeling helpless, angry,
frustrated, distrustful, fearful, and confused. While many more grow up to
become more violent, aggressive, cruel and wayward; providing ready foot
soldiers for such violent groups as Boko Haram, militants, Area
Boys and Neighbourhood Cults.
Impacts of Violence on Children: Over seventy-five percent of
men who saw their fathers abusing their mothers or were themselves victims of
child abuse turned out to be violent. This tells us one way
violence affects the children. Boys learn that violence is an acceptable way of
dealing with anger, frustration and stress. Girls learn that they must live
with violence. Studies have also show that violence affects children before
birth. Women are known to be more verbally violent during pregnancy. It is
estimated that one-fifth of all women who are abused are struck during
pregnancy. Unfortunately, many of these women miscarriage as a result of the
violence.
Impacts of Violence on Society: Spouse abuse does not only
affect the family involved. Police officers responding to domestic violence
calls are often injured. Family members or neighbours who try to intervene may
also get hurt. Women miss work because of injuries, men miss work because of
arrests. Sometimes, people lose their jobs. Many times women need medical care,
which costs money. If medical insurance is used, rates subsequently increase.
If the court is involved, there are attorney’s fees and more work absenteeism.
Children often get caught between their mother and father; in-laws may get
involved and tension between families may rise. Spouse abuse is a prevalent and
serious problem in Nigerian homes.
